I kinda want some buffalo wings.

First off, and just kind of as a silly little note, I can't believe the NFL agreed to this movie. Actual teams and logos are all over this movie, indeed key points to the storyline. Meanwhile, the NFL is notoriously picky about lending out its image and property to anything that isn't entirely family-friendly and in line with their own agenda, which is quite commercial and not concerned with independent cinema. So I guess it's kinda cool to see the No Fun League allow Patton Oswalt to wear a Giants jersey while he cusses up a storm and looks just generally unappealing. But that doesn't matter. Just something I kinda wanted to point out. We're here to discuss is the 2009 picture Big Fan, and its merits, or lack thereof.
I'll say straight away that I don't think this film is particularly genius or groundbreaking or anything like that. It lives in an established indie film format of grey skies, masturbation scenes and humbling dialogue. But I'm not complaining about that. The movies that Big Fan takes after are generally fine films and it is in good company. But - and this is the nicest thing I will say about this movie - it is very easily misunderstood, and generally much better than it actually seems. I know, that's kind of a stupid thing to say, so I'll try to clear it up.
I've found that many viewers of this black dramady find it to be a story about blind fandom, or worse, a movie specifically about the stupidity of sports fans. That view is simply incorrect. Yes, this is a "football movie," if you really want to call it that. Go ahead. But it's gonna look pretty weird on the shelf next to Any Given Sunday and Rudy. No, Big Fan is more of a story about social pressure, and the anxieties that one suffers while asserting an identity within a given culture. Our main character here is Paul, who resents his greedy, secretary-fucking brother and lives with his increasingly discouraged mother. Paul has very little concern for what an American class system expects from him, as he sits at his small time job, literally scripting his AM radio rants about the one culture he likes and has chosen to embrace: New York Giants fandom. He and his best friend are diehards, but, unable to afford tickets, spend the home games in the stadium parking lot, listening on the radio. Yeah, they're pathetic, but that never becomes a problem.
Eventually, shit goes down, and Paul is put in the awkward position where the one society he likes has (violently) handed him an opportunity to turn his back on it. To do so would be a bit of self-assertion he could probably use, but in the life he lives, self-assertion and individuality are downright contrary to his values. He lives in the background of his own life and probably always will. However, he's happy this way, and the film takes 90 minutes of what-the-fuckery for us to finally arrive at this.
There are some very strange moments in Big Fan and I can say that Paul is put in a position that is rare in cinema or storytelling at all. Yes, his predicament has to do with professional sports and celebrity, but I still think this movie is only barely about football. In fact, we never the the sport played at all. Football is an abstraction in Big Fan. It exists on the radio, and as a bunch of logos on Paul's security blanket.
Yes, Patton Oswalt gives a good performance. Everyone does. The direction is good, all that. It's very well cast, and the locations and scenery are perfect. Essentially, Big Fan is an agreeable film. Though unremarkable for the most part, it is also standout for asking an established question of conformity while giving an odd example.

Having a BLAST playing 'Splosion Man

I'm really glad to see such good things come from the current BOOM of indie developers!

...but seriously, folks. I meant that. To me, one of the most exciting aspects about this generation of video games is small-team development, and 'Splosion Man is a perfect example of why an indie resurgence is definitely a good thing. People talk a lot about how, without the oppression of corporate overlords, small development companies are free to take risky, artsy moves in their games. Citing titles like Braid and Flower, critics and consumers are more ready than ever to admit, or even celebrate, the increasingly obvious artistic merit of our video medium. And while 'Splosion Man succeeds in style and personality, particularly with its sense of humor, its true victory lies in that other, more universally acknowledged merit of video games: that of sport, skill and expertise.
In this way, Twisted Pixel's second effort is admittedly one of an old pedigree, but I'd like to resist terms such as throwback or retro. 'Splosion Man is simply a game that knows exactly what it is, and thrives in just that way. Its focus is on FUN, and the real artistry here is the great achievements made in puzzle development and fast-paced, zany gameplay. At times, the action is so fast, yet also rather intricate in execution, that I'm reminded of sort of a thinking man's Sonic the Hedgehog. That may sound strange, but 'Splosion Man is nothing if not unusual. The scrappy developers behind Twisted Pixel are making games for love of the medium, and in 'Splosion Man, they have published an extraordinary title. It is easily worthy of an impulse buy, and with its lenghty and challenging campaign, brings plenty of BANG for the buck. Heh heh.

Admiral Ackbar Jokes

Sir! I was climbing a tree and now my hands are all sticky!
IT'S THE SAP!

Sir! I didn't sleep enough last night and I'm kinda punchy!
TAKE A NAP!

Sir! Who's the superintendent of the Lewiston School District?
IT'S JOY RAPP!

Sir! My crotch is all itchy and painful!
IT'S THE CLAP!

Sir! What's the worst place you've ever spilled hot coffee?
IN MY LAP!

Sir! Where did you get that lovely sweater?
AT THE GAP!

Sir! I've got this little useless piece of paper!
IT'S A SCRAP!

Sir! Who's your favorite band from the early 80's?
SPINAL TAP!

Pentagram plays Satyricon, I get bruises

There is no qualifier for what shows I do or do not write about on the dusty virtual pages of World Breaker. Maybe I should write about concerts I attend more often. Given the relative frequency of my showgoing, there would be a lot more posts. Anyway, I'm getting off track.
Last night I squeezed into the beyond-sold-out Satyricon to see the legendary Pentagram play music. Nachtmystium, Danava and Witch Mountain also played. Another act, Jim Beam and the Chasers, played a more exclusive show. In my stomach.
It was with some apprehension that I even went to this show. Though I had been looking forward to it for some time, I must admit that I was intimidated by the teeming mass of familiar faces crammed into the hundred-degree show space. I was also unsure of Pentagram's ability to shred. These dudes are pushing 60, and have had a long and tumultuous history of lineup changes, breakups, and whatever physically taxing debauchery being a member of Pentagram would entail.
Soon, however, this anxiety and pessimism was washed away in a brisk rain of whiskey. After missing Danava and enjoying the better-than-expected black melody of Nachtmystium, I was standing in one of the more densely populated show floors I've seen. Pentagram's set was long, loud, and simply put, kind of amazing. Whatever lineup they have these days is more than capable, and retain an energy and enthusiasm matched equally by the gruesome mosh pit they inspired. This was a pit of unbridled reception: hundreds of rabid fans thrashing around not because Pentagram's music necessarily calls for such activity, but because everyone was simply so effing stoked to see this band.
Figuring I'd rather be bruised and entertained than smushed and stationary, I spent the entirety of their extended set fighting off the mutual glee of my brothers and sisters of metal. Pentagram played the classics, they played some new stuff, but the pace and accomplishment of their songs did not relent. After a fake finish and two encores, everyone was ready to call it a night. Limping out of Satyricon's makeshift sweat lodge, the feeling was mutual that we were all lucky to engage in the unholy revelry of a really good metal show. Though I am now injured and creaky, I was truly blessed to be a part of Pentagram's stinky sacrament. Hail.

Party Down - Thank God that's over

Writing about TV. Oh well.
Anyway, when I first got into this new show on Starz, I thought it was a pleasant, if kinda derivative "sociological" sort of comedy. The kind of stuff that floats around in a post-Curb-Your-Enthusiasm comedic landscape. You know, the shaky camera, the awkward conversations. The grimace-inducing situations.
Despite the notion of having seen this stuff before, I was happy to see this great cast in a pretty well-written comedy series. The State's Ken Marino is at his best here as the pitifully ambitious Ron Donald, "team leader" of the Party Down catering crew the show is centered around. Said crew is equally strong, playing ne'er-do-well artists "doomed" to a life of the service industry. This damning notion of failure is basically Party Down's thesis. It's the classic slacker story retold with a great cast and a flexible premise. Sounds pretty samey, right? Keep watching.
As the 10-episode season unfolds and finally wraps, Party Down reveals that it does, in fact, have a distinct flavor of its own. While it was at once easy to compare this show to The Office or Reno 911!, consecutive episodes show a certain flair that is oddly unique. Thing is, it happened so gradually, that I didn't even notice until the 9th episode. Party Down had become its own show, with a brand of bitterness approaching Alexander Payne levels of saddiness. Perhaps it was only after a certain level of character development, which is handled quite well (including a workplace romance vein), that I empathized enough with these miserable characters for the cringe-comedy to take its desired effect. In any case, the loyal viewer is rewarded with an excellent last few episodes that make the beginning of the season better on subsequent re-watchings.
This scrappy cast and crew ended up with a perfectly successful first season, already warranting the greenlighting of least a second one. And while I thoroughly enjoyed Party Down in all its cynicism and gloom, in a way I'm relieved to just be done with it for now. Cause it can be pretty brutal. Of course I'm looking forward to season two, but having this one over with is kinda like ditching some of your less wholesome friends. As if to say, "yeah, I was in a bad scene for a while. I got out of it, though. It's cool now."
For a taste of what I'm talking about, here is a scene from episode 9, where Ron Donald caters his own high school reunion. If you do plan on watching this series, be warned that this is a pretty spoilerific scene. Enjoy.

TENNIS! For the NES. That is good Tennis!

It's been a long time. Video games have come a long way. You're a better player than you were twenty years ago. Ancient Age games seem disappointingly simple these days. So. You plunk in a dusty sports title, expecting only a slight upgrade from some Pong formula. Surely, this game, TENNIS, will be barely discernible from the myriad generic sports games from a generation before. Blip. Bloop. Atari gameplay, NES graphics. Instead, this NES launch title is amazingly deep, funnily accurate and surprisingly engaging. Not to mention challenging. Get a bro and play some doubles against the merciless computer bros. Have 12 cans of Coors while you do so. That is good Tennis.

I May or May not post in the month of May

I didn't.

The Knockout Artist - Harry Crews

So last week I finished the very engrossing Knockout Artist. My coworker was reading it and I picked it up when he wasn't around, putting away the first few chapters at my noisy workplace, until I finally got my own copy.
It's important I think, when discussing this book, to keep it spoiler-free for those who haven't read it. There are some really unique elements that make this book so great, but I really hope you read it - so I'm not going to reveal anything.
But I'll say what I can about Crews and this book. His characters and settings are rendered in a perfectly effortless language that is never uncomfortable for even a second. The first chapter of The Knockout Artist is positively arresting. To finish that first one is to pretty much sign a contract with Crews and the rest of the book; you will not be looking away from this gross roadside accident of a story. I can say that it might not necessarily be for everyone. If it were a film, it would have to fight the MPAA to even get an NC-17 rating. Some of the subject matter here can live only on the page or one's twisted imagination. It's not a trash novel by any means, but it can certainly get pretty rough. Crews doesn't relish in the nasty here, though. While at times eye-popping in its debauchery, the story is always coherent, always human and never malevolent. So many books are ready to give up on their readers, leaving one depressed and with a sense of gloom. (I'm looking at you, Brett Ellis.) Crews instead assumes the best of his reader, taking us down a dark path but not a dreadful experience. The book is also deceptively simple. The plain-English story will sometimes throw the reader a bizarre poetic curveball revealing the author's glaring enthusiasm for putting words on paper. Crews is supposed to be writing novels, and he's written this one well.
This, apparently, is one of Crews' minor works. I had to do a little research on the guy after I read The Knockout Artist. I guess his big one is another novel called A Feast of Snakes.
Anyway, I obviously recommend this one. C'mon. What are you reading now? You're just re-reading Lord of the Rings. And this blog. I bet Powell's has this no-name book for like six bucks. Just go get it instead of your usual issue of fucking Adbusters or whatever. Anyway.

Here's the stuff I wrote for Ground Kontrol's April Fool's Day joke

It was actually pretty rad. For one day we changed GK's website to look like it was taken over by Noiseland. Like, new banner, Simpsons font, all that.

I did a "news" story and a few game writeups. Here they are.

GROUND KONTROL ACQUIRED BY NOISELAND ENTERTAINMENT GROUP

Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade, a closely held Oregon corporation, has been acquired by Noiseland Arcade, Inc. Terms of the transaction were not released, but sources say the stock and arcade machine swap was valued at "a lot".

Noiseland spokesman Xavier Quarters says that Noiseland "is excited to take corporate Kontrol of Portland's homegrown barcade, and we're changing more than just the name! For starters, because of our lucrative partnership with the Duff Beer Corporation, we'll be clearing out GK's selection of Oregon microbrews and opening the bar to sell Duff products exclusively." Suddenly shouting, Quarters then added, "ARE YOU READY TO GET DUFFED?!"

The newly rebranded arcade will be retaining Ground Kontrol's all ages hours, though the only beverage available at those times will be Duff-owned Buzz Cola. One anonymous youth expressed his satisfaction that Noiseland will continue to allow minors from noon to 5pm. "I have to hang out there most afternoons until my dad gets home from the cracker factory. He's a pretty big wheel over there."

While CEOs on both sides of the buyout have called the acquistion "excellent," one nearby comic book store owner and apparent Ground Kontrol loyalist was quick to describe it as the "Worst. Corporate buyout. Ever!" Similar sentiments have echoed around the Old Town blocks where the arcade resides. One daily patron of Ground Kontrol called it "A REAL LEMON OF A DEAL!" Regardless of customer and staff concerns, the takeover is effective immediately.

Ground Kontrol's current bar staff is being completely rehauled as well. Noiseland's new bartender would not agree to a phone interview, citing an endless stream of prank phone calls to his previous establishment. Asked about losing his job at Ground Kontrol, a former arcade worker there was only ambivent. "Whatever," he replied, "I heard they're opening a Wall E. Weasel's out in Beaverton. I could probably get another gig there."


NEW GAMES
Noiseland is excited to present the best in slightly used video gaming:

Pac-Rat

Pac Rat, a classic maze game that bears absolutely no resemblance to any other arcade game, is one of the flagship games of the Noiseland Video Arcade. In this erratic rat race, players rack up scores packing away rejected foodstuffs and running from bratty cats.

Larry the Looter

Break into storefronts and window displays as Larry, the greedy criminal with a very destructive streak. Players rack up high scores by lifting stereos, TVs, and jewelry, stuffing them into Larry's bloated loot bag. Just beware of the protective store owner. Your Game Over screen appears as suddenly as a decapitating blast from his shotgun!

Nuke Canada

This cold war layover has gamers racking up quarters in command of a conflict with our neighbors to the north. America Lite has their work cut out for them as they try to deflect an onslaught of Yankee nukes. Known for its incredible ease, Nuke Canada is one of the only games a player can win with the push of one single button.

Super Slugfest

Super Slugfest is exactly what it sounds like. It's a lot more super than the previous Slugfest. Currently however, Noiseland Game Group is looking into a copyright lawsuit with Ground Kontrol whose wildly successful series of fighting game tournaments share the name.

Escape From Grandma's House

First in the fan favorite Grandma's House trilogy, gameplay sees players dodging moldy bread, ancient candy, and mangy cats. In this first edition, Andy the Abandoned fights against a countdown timer until his ride home finally arrives. But as levels increase, the timer gets longer and the enemies more numerous, until the player eventually perishes in a cloud of mothballs and butterscotch discs.

Pay a visit to my friend Lloyd's illustration website.

My longtime friend and sometime bandmate Lloyed Eugene Winter IV now has a nice website to showcase his amazing work with posters, design and illustration. I'd like his stuff even if we weren't pals. I"m sure you will too. Check it out at lloydwinter.com. Yep.

Much blogged about paperback covers

So, as much as I try to avoid blogging the same crap people find on Neatorama or BoingBoing, I'd like to provide some links here to the very awesome paperback versions of video games and movies that have been on the innanets lately.

Video game novels can be found here.

Movie covers can be found here.

Enjoy.

Galveston plays Valentines, I record one song

In this show which Chris rehearsed for obsessively, he played with five other people. Most of them are not in this song, other than Rachel, who probably doesn't need as much mic as she has. Nevertheless, she has a beautiful voice that adds a lot to this new song. This was a weird night for me. I ducked over to Valentines from an employee party I was at, bringing three of my rowdy friends who were pretty contrary to the hipster funeral vibe that Valentines harbors. I ended up with one other video from that night, when things went from weird to weirder, but will not upload it to the internet, because it constitutes karaoke blackmail.

Anyway, it's the slow season for video games. Street Fighter IV and Resident Evil 5 are about to drop, but I haven't been playing shit. The latest Call of Duty, Left 4 Dead, and Fallout 3 are all sitting on my entertainment rig gathering dust. Can't say I know why. I've mainly just been shredding arcade and NES games. Still fighting in the Punch Out circuit.

On Saturday I go see the Murder City Devils for the second time in my life. Hopefully I'll remember to bring my camera, and World Breaker will get a taste of Valentine's Day with the Devils. Till then, non-readers.

Here are two videos that are funny. They are goat related.

I hope you enjoyed these two funny goat-related videos. This is the end of the post.

I totally beat Mike Tyson

So after 20+ years of being a huge fan of Mike Tyson's Punch Out!, I finally beat Tyson by decision tonight. This is blogworthy.

PS: 007-373-5963

COIL: Love's Secret Domain

I picked this album up almost two years ago on one of those download sprees where I was just hoping to find new and awesome music, linking one band to one group, to one artist to another. You know how it goes. Especially if you were on OiNK. Anyway, this is an album I am kind of dumb for not having heard earlier. It's very close to my steez. I don't want this blog post to serve as much more than a recommendation. I'll spare you the boring descriptions of their "post-Throbbing Gristle analog black tech wave" or whatever shit I would say to describe this amazing album. Just say that I've been listening to it A LOT since I dug it out of my iPod, where it had been languishing for too long. Also, the new Tomb Raider is pretty fun. It's just like Legend, which I also enjoyed. And now I'm going to go do something fucking awesome and fun that has nothing to do with computers or "black tech wave."

My computer officially dies, Silent Hill is scary

One day I was playing Silent Hill: Homecoming. I'm still a sucker for the Silent Hill brand of scares. I believe that by playing this game for a matter of hours with Chris, that we opened a portal to Hell. The effects of said interdimensional line-blurring were myriad and horrid. For one, my computer, affectionately known as the Frogger 2600, officially bit the dust, quite mysteriously. After a time rift in which a walk to a coffeeshop two blocks away took four hours, I returned home to find my computer unable to boot up. Closer inspection revealed a sticky stain on the keyboard. This stain smelled like beer, but was almost certainly demon's blood. Shortly after this discovery, my apartment building was crawling with cops and firemen, as one of my upstairs neighbors lost his mind and decided to burn the place down. Seriously. A bunch of other stuff happened, most of it not worth mentioning here, but let me summarize with this: Silent Hill games, even derivative editions on 360, are capable of day-ruining universe rifts. Now, I am not promising that Konami's horror-fest will cause your computer to mysteriously break or your neighbors to lose their mind, but if you look at my Saturday a couple weeks ago, a precedent has been set. Be wary. Also, I now have an excuse for never posting, so eff off, World Breaker.


UPDATE: 2/3/09 - Said computer has mysteriously resurrected itself. But it wasn't pretty. There was some serious Lovecraftian shit involved. And more cops. Either way, the Frogger 2600 is back. But the sentiment remains. Eff off, World Breaker.

So my dog looks just like the dog from Mad Max.

Ok, I've never seen Mad Max. I probably should, because I really like the video for Turbo Lover. But crawling around the innanets today, I found that MY DOG ZOE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE DOG FROM MAD MAX. Like, uncannily. Now I have to rent it, watch it with the dog, and nerd out. "H-looka Zoe! That's You! YOOOO! WHOUZA good doggie? WHOZ inna movie?! Zooeee!"
Pictured at left, Zoe on the prowl. Pictured at right, Hollywood Zoe resisting the urge to pee on Mel Gibson's leg.

My thumb heals, I finally get around to playing BioShock

So. Because of some stupid football injury I got like a month ago, I was unable to play video games. Eventually earning the name "my zombie thumb," this jammed digit was swollen, inflexible and weak. Also quite painful. During its prolonged healing process, I downloaded Mega Man 9 and was able to just barely beat one boss before the dull realization that my left thumb was simply not capable of joystick manipulation. Some weeks later, my GameFly Q stagnating, the thumb was earning its keep at work, assisting in the lifting my pointer finger had taken over in the meantime. I actually became quite skilled at clawing things between my left index and middle fingers, my thumb dangling sadly.
ANYWAY - my long lost copy of BioShock arrived after spending 13 pretend dollars, Bank of America bucks, and I was back in the game. Wish I played this one sooner - it's simply fantastic. Again, me being new to the whole FPS thing, I prefer them with some weird qualifier. Like Portal and its unique classification as a First Person Puzzle Horror Comedy, or Metroid Prime 3: Corruption, because it is a Metroid game, hardly an FPS. BioShock fits into this well. Already I see it as more of an environmental mystery atmospheric artistic achievement. I hope to beat it soon, because I just want to appreciate it real fast and get it the hell out of the way, so I can make way for other things- like finishing Watchmen, starting the new Silent Hill, and living my awesome life, one mindboggling event after another. Kind of. But not really. Bring on Dead Space. And Left 4 Dead.

LittleBIGPlanet delayed over some bullshit

So at the zero hour of this PS3 exclusive, Sony has pulled it back because of the GRIM discovery that "one of the background music tracks licensed from a record label for use in the game contains two expressions that can be found in the Qur'an." That's a quote from SCEE about it. They go on to say "We have taken immediate action to rectify this and we sincerely apologize for any offense that this may have caused."
Wait a minute. WHAT THE FUCK? What's the problem here? And why are they so apologetic about it? A billion people sing the Qur'an literally every day, and SCEE is acting like it's the goddamned Necronomicon. It kinda reminds me of how Obama gets "accused" of being a Muslim. And of course, he denies it vehemently. So what if he was? I mean, I guess this is a tired point to anyone with half a brain, but again (sigh), Muslims aren't evil people, Satan doesn't live within the pages of the Islamic holy book. Though it would be kinda cool if he did. Satan rocks. Praise Mohammad.

UPDATE 10/22/08 - So it looks like Penny Arcade went ahead and did a comic about just this. I still don't get what the big deal is.

Hilarious Punk Rock Names

So here are some awesome punk names, basically from the top of my head. I previously put this list on my Twitter in a fit of serial tweeting. But this is the innanet and things must be repeated. Especially lists. Lists are readable. So here's my top five. A countdown in order of awesomeness.

5. Land Phil
This dude is the bass player for "thrash revivalists," Municipal Waste. Punk rock name wise, it's pretty basic. Just a good ol' pun. But hey, I do love me a good pun. PUNishment aside, Land Phil is worth noting here basically because of how fucking awesome Municipal Waste is. These guys shred way too hard to have fully visible hands. I saw the Waste in July, opening for AT THE GATES, which was among the best shows I've ever been to. Their shreddiness aside, Municipal Waste have a real knack for punk punz. Here are a few or their awesome song titles: Substitute Creature, Abusement Park, The Thrashin' of the Christ and my personal favorite, Beer Pressure.

4. Ross Sewage

So the place I'm posting from right now is pretty loud and I can't hear anything from my computer, but I guess this is ol' Ross drunk, talking about dog shit or something. He plays bass in Impaled and Ludicra. I've seen Ludicra a few times - they like to play Portland and the Northwest and stuff. They've played Ground Kontrol twice, which were among our biggest nights ever. Just a pretty good name. A slightly more artful pun than Land Phil, I think.

3. Park Bench
So I can't find any pictures of this guy. He plays a tiny role with no dialogue in American Psycho. An "artist" named "Stash." But c'mon. Park Bench. That's genius.

2. Skip School
Same as Park Bench - no picture. In fact, I've looked all over the innanet and can't find any mention of this mythical punk unicorn. I only know about Skip School because my friend Jakob mentions him in this pun-name conversation. For the life of him, Jakob can't remember what bank Skip is from. Which leads me to believe that Mr. School is beyond made up, and is errant PUN from the mist planet JOKE, manifested in Jakob's brain where he can enter our world under the guise of, I dunno, probably a bass player in a band that probably sounds a lot like Fear.

1. Frank Discussion
I know. It's genius. I think that is the most hilarious thing I've ever heard. The guys calls himself Frank. Discussion. Just let that sink in for a bit. Anyway, he's the singer for domestic terrorists anti-establishment punks, Feederz. Those guys are pretty gnarly. Can't say I've seen them or even heard one of their records, but I'd like to. If they're half as good as their naming skills, these guys have to be nothing short of amazing.