It was actually pretty rad. For one day we changed GK's website to look like it was taken over by Noiseland. Like, new banner, Simpsons font, all that.
I did a "news" story and a few game writeups. Here they are.
GROUND KONTROL ACQUIRED BY NOISELAND ENTERTAINMENT GROUP
Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade, a closely held Oregon corporation, has been acquired by Noiseland Arcade, Inc. Terms of the transaction were not released, but sources say the stock and arcade machine swap was valued at "a lot".
Noiseland spokesman Xavier Quarters says that Noiseland "is excited to take corporate Kontrol of Portland's homegrown barcade, and we're changing more than just the name! For starters, because of our lucrative partnership with the Duff Beer Corporation, we'll be clearing out GK's selection of Oregon microbrews and opening the bar to sell Duff products exclusively." Suddenly shouting, Quarters then added, "ARE YOU READY TO GET DUFFED?!"
The newly rebranded arcade will be retaining Ground Kontrol's all ages hours, though the only beverage available at those times will be Duff-owned Buzz Cola. One anonymous youth expressed his satisfaction that Noiseland will continue to allow minors from noon to 5pm. "I have to hang out there most afternoons until my dad gets home from the cracker factory. He's a pretty big wheel over there."
While CEOs on both sides of the buyout have called the acquistion "excellent," one nearby comic book store owner and apparent Ground Kontrol loyalist was quick to describe it as the "Worst. Corporate buyout. Ever!" Similar sentiments have echoed around the Old Town blocks where the arcade resides. One daily patron of Ground Kontrol called it "A REAL LEMON OF A DEAL!" Regardless of customer and staff concerns, the takeover is effective immediately.
Ground Kontrol's current bar staff is being completely rehauled as well. Noiseland's new bartender would not agree to a phone interview, citing an endless stream of prank phone calls to his previous establishment. Asked about losing his job at Ground Kontrol, a former arcade worker there was only ambivent. "Whatever," he replied, "I heard they're opening a Wall E. Weasel's out in Beaverton. I could probably get another gig there."
NEW GAMES
Noiseland is excited to present the best in slightly used video gaming:
Pac-Rat
Pac Rat, a classic maze game that bears absolutely no resemblance to any other arcade game, is one of the flagship games of the Noiseland Video Arcade. In this erratic rat race, players rack up scores packing away rejected foodstuffs and running from bratty cats.
Larry the Looter
Break into storefronts and window displays as Larry, the greedy criminal with a very destructive streak. Players rack up high scores by lifting stereos, TVs, and jewelry, stuffing them into Larry's bloated loot bag. Just beware of the protective store owner. Your Game Over screen appears as suddenly as a decapitating blast from his shotgun!
Nuke Canada
This cold war layover has gamers racking up quarters in command of a conflict with our neighbors to the north. America Lite has their work cut out for them as they try to deflect an onslaught of Yankee nukes. Known for its incredible ease, Nuke Canada is one of the only games a player can win with the push of one single button.
Super Slugfest
Super Slugfest is exactly what it sounds like. It's a lot more super than the previous Slugfest. Currently however, Noiseland Game Group is looking into a copyright lawsuit with Ground Kontrol whose wildly successful series of fighting game tournaments share the name.
Escape From Grandma's House
First in the fan favorite Grandma's House trilogy, gameplay sees players dodging moldy bread, ancient candy, and mangy cats. In this first edition, Andy the Abandoned fights against a countdown timer until his ride home finally arrives. But as levels increase, the timer gets longer and the enemies more numerous, until the player eventually perishes in a cloud of mothballs and butterscotch discs.
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