Thursday, July 23, 2009

Admiral Ackbar Jokes



Sir! I was climbing a tree and now my hands are all sticky!
IT'S THE SAP!

Sir! I didn't sleep enough last night and I'm kinda punchy!
TAKE A NAP!

Sir! Who's the superintendent of the Lewiston School District?
IT'S JOY RAPP!

Sir! My crotch is all itchy and painful!
IT'S THE CLAP!

Sir! What's the worst place you've ever spilled hot coffee?
IN MY LAP!

Sir! Where did you get that lovely sweater?
AT THE GAP!

Sir! I've got this little useless piece of paper!
IT'S A SCRAP!

Sir! Who's your favorite band from the early 80's?
SPINAL TAP!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Pentagram plays Satyricon, I get bruises


There is no qualifier for what shows I do or do not write about on the dusty virtual pages of World Breaker. Maybe I should write about concerts I attend more often. Given the relative frequency of my showgoing, there would be a lot more posts. Anyway, I'm getting off track.
Last night I squeezed into the beyond-sold-out Satyricon to see the legendary Pentagram play music. Nachtmystium, Danava and Witch Mountain also played. Another act, Jim Beam and the Chasers, played a more exclusive show. In my stomach.
It was with some apprehension that I even went to this show. Though I had been looking forward to it for some time, I must admit that I was intimidated by the teeming mass of familiar faces crammed into the hundred-degree show space. I was also unsure of Pentagram's ability to shred. These dudes are pushing 60, and have had a long and tumultuous history of lineup changes, breakups, and whatever physically taxing debauchery being a member of Pentagram would entail.
Soon, however, this anxiety and pessimism was washed away in a brisk rain of whiskey. After missing Danava and enjoying the better-than-expected black melody of Nachtmystium, I was standing in one of the more densely populated show floors I've seen. Pentagram's set was long, loud, and simply put, kind of amazing. Whatever lineup they have these days is more than capable, and retain an energy and enthusiasm matched equally by the gruesome mosh pit they inspired. This was a pit of unbridled reception: hundreds of rabid fans thrashing around not because Pentagram's music necessarily calls for such activity, but because everyone was simply so effing stoked to see this band.
Figuring I'd rather be bruised and entertained than smushed and stationary, I spent the entirety of their extended set fighting off the mutual glee of my brothers and sisters of metal. Pentagram played the classics, they played some new stuff, but the pace and accomplishment of their songs did not relent. After a fake finish and two encores, everyone was ready to call it a night. Limping out of Satyricon's makeshift sweat lodge, the feeling was mutual that we were all lucky to engage in the unholy revelry of a really good metal show. Though I am now injured and creaky, I was truly blessed to be a part of Pentagram's stinky sacrament. Hail.